Love is in the air. Whether it’s with cute puns or blowing-kiss emojis, Valentine’s Day is likely to be at the forefront of our minds this week. In a holiday season that can shallowly emphasize love and romance, it’s helpful to consider what actually contributes to a successful romantic relationship. Through my personal experience of conferences, retreats, premarital mentoring and reading, I have narrowed it down to five keys that allow for a relationship to thrive.
Love
According to Merriam-Webster, love has several definitions. The top one is a “strong affection for another arising out of kinship or personal ties.” You may have heard it said that there are four main types of love: eros, philia, agape and storge love. Eros love is sexual or passionate love between two partners. Love can be expressed in many different ways, see below about The 5 Love Languages.
“Love grows through working together toward common goals. This has been our key to almost 25 years of marriage,” described Walt Paquin, associate professor of social work. “The idyllic romantic stuff goes away pretty quickly, but I find that over the years, we becomes more a part of one another’s life as we work together toward common goals. I think we would define ourselves as deeply committed to one another, even on days when we are not feeling overly ‘romantic.’”
Respect
If you’re like me, you might immediately think of the classic song by Aretha Franklin when you hear this word. At the end of the day, however, I believe all of us want to be respected. Respect, according to Merriam-Webster, is high or special regard. When you respect someone, you don’t mistreat them. When you respect someone, you don’t call them horrible names.
“You treat the other person as one who is valued by God and others; his or her opinion is valued. You put the other person before yourself,” said Randy Keeler, associate dean of academic affairs and professor of religion. “You value them for the quality of their character more than anything else. You desire for the other person to be the best version of what God desires them to be by giving them the freedom to explore their passions and dreams.”
Trust
“I have trust issues.”
“You broke my trust.”
“I thought I could trust you.”
We all probably know about trust and when it’s lacking through personal experience, yet trust is ultimately key to having a successful relationship. If a relationship doesn’t have trust, there will more than likely be issues at some point.
“Vulnerability is the key to trust because it’s all about a willingness to let others see you as you are. If you’re still putting up a front or worrying about whether your BAE sees you without makeup or knows the inmost way you actually feel, then chances are you have yet to arrive in the space of trust,” shared Marathana Prothro, assistant professor of communication.
Honesty & Transparency
Honesty and transparency go along with trust and respect. If you’re not being honest with your significant other, how are they supposed to trust you or vice versa? If you respect someone, then why would you hide something from them? Being transparent means you fess up when you mess up, even if that’s hard to do. Telling the truth and being open with one another allows you to continue to grow closer.
“No one is perfect, but I don’t think it’s wise to commit to doing life with someone who repeatedly fails to uphold a certain standard of communication and is not transparent about their comings and goings,” shared Meg Short, admissions counselor at Bluffton University.
Intimacy
The first thing you probably think of when you hear this word is sex, but intimacy is more than just that. Intimacy also means being able to share and experience things with someone at a deep level. Intimacy is important because it is often what differentiates a romantic relationship from a friend relationship.
